Friday, March 13, 2009

New Computer Virus List

  • OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
  • AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
  • MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
  • PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
  • POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
  • RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
  • ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
  • MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
  • TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
  • ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
  • DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!
  • GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
  • NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
  • FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
  • GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
  • TERRY RANDALL VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
  • TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
  • ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
  • CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
  • AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
  • FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
  • PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
  • ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
  • OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
  • NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
  • SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
  • JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
  • CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
  • KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
  • IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
  • STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
  • HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
  • GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
  • CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
  • LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".
  • CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
  • ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. >>

Downadup virus exposes millions of PCs to hijack

A new sleeper virus that could allow hackers to steal financial and personal information has now spread to more than eight million computers in what industry analysts say is one of the most serious infections they have ever seen.
Experts say a single infected laptop could expose an entire network to the worm.

Experts say a single infected laptop could expose an entire network to the worm.

The Downadup or Conficker worm exploits a bug in Microsoft Windows to infect mainly corporate networks, where -- although it has yet to cause any harm -- it potentially exposes infected PCs to hijack.

Mikko Hypponen, chief research officer at anti-virus firm F-Secure, says while the purpose of the worm is unclear, its unique "phone home" design, linking back to its point of origin, means it can receive further orders to wreak havoc.

He said his company had reverse-engineered its program, which they suspected of originating in Ukraine, and is using the call-back mechanism to monitor an exponential infection rate, despite Microsoft's issuing of a patch to fix the bug.

"On Tuesday there were 2.5 million, on Wednesday 3.5 million and today [Friday], eight million," he told CNN. "It's getting worse, not better."

Hypponen explained to CNN the dangers that Downadup poses, who is most at risk and what can be done to stop its spread.

How serious is it?

It is the most serious large scale worm outbreak we have seen in recent years because of how widespread it is, but it is not very serious in terms of what it does. So far it doesn't try to steal personal information or credit card details.

Who is affected?

We have large infections in Europe, the United States and in Asia. It is a Windows worm and almost all the cases are corporate networks. There are very few reports of independent home computers affected.

What does it do?

It is a complicated worm most likely engineered by a group of people who have spent time making it very complicated to analyze and remove. The real reason why they have created it is hard to say right now, but we do know how it replicates.

How does it spread?

The worm does not spread over email or the Web. However if an infected laptop is connected to your corporate network, it will immediately scan the network looking for machines to infect. These will be machines that have not installed a patch from Microsoft known as MS08-067. The worm will also scan company networks trying to guess your password, trying hundreds and hundreds of common words. If it gets in, even if you are not at your machine, it will infect and begin spreading to other servers. A third method of spreading is via USB data sticks.

How can I prevent it infecting my machine?

The best way is to get the patch and install it company-wide. The second way is password security. Use long, difficult passwords -- particularly for administrators who cannot afford to be locked out of the machines they will have to fix.

What can I do if it has already infected?

Machines can be disinfected. The problem is for companies with thousands of infected machines, which can become re-infected from just one computer even as they are being cleared.